Fuck. Okay. Fuck.
I just wrote a whole book review blog post about The Outsiders (by S.E. Hinton) without using any, like, swears or explicit analogies and I am fucking PROUD of myself because that book FUCKED ME UP and that is literally all I wanted to write. The Outsiders, by S.E. Hinton A review by khori cosmic, professional blogger. This book FUCKED ME UP. Be sure to read it. Thanks. -khori I mean, would that or would that not be the best book review you ever did see? Not to too my own professional blogging horn. I feel like there was actually a specific reason that I was up on here besides The Outsiders, but it's late and I'm tired and I can't remember and my elbow hurts so I think I'm actually just gonna call it a night. On a blogging scale from good blogger (high) to pot-bellied balding old whit dude who starts drinking beer at 10am and watches baseball and yells at the TV and wears striped boxers and lives in a trailer park and smells and is mean to everyone and thinks he's, like , a mis-understood genius, I'm probably that last one. Sorry, bro! All the love, khori x P.S. Spanish Quote of the Day: Era realmente lindo, aunque
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Until a lovely midnight bed snack turned into a frantic game of find the crumb that fell before the antz do
So today at camp we were essentially doing the thanksgiving where you close your eyes and become, like, hyper aware
And I don't really like being hyper aware because the thing is, whenever I get hyper aware my stream of consciousness becomes really hard to control and, like, sometimes it gets negative and that gets scary and today when we were doing that, I was thinking of how did that thanksgiving on the second day of Beat Builders earlier this year, and how almost immediately I started thinking of the usual stupid scary stuff like how maybe Boy Wonder didn't like me and Monster as much as he likes his other siblings because, look, here he is in the NC and he's not even staying with us And like how maybe the whole thing with Tweety wouldn't stick like when she promised me she would fix things then did basically nothing for almost a year, like, maybe that visit was a one time thing and then I'd never really see her or The King for another, like year or so But mostly about my parents, like, what if Dad tries to make us move to Massachusetts with him and mom's like, no sir, and that results in this huge custody battle and me and Monster get separated and my tear ducts were like, now? Should we start the water works now? and then Farkle's mom was at the part where she says, "Now open your sense of touch and feel something around you" And I was sitting on That Bell's lap at the time And when Farkle's mom said that, That Bell experimentally brought his hands up and tickled my sides And I sucked in a breath and squeaked, because I hadn't been expecting that And I heard That Bell chuckle softly behind me And I tickled his knee He poked me in the side I giggled, completely by accident, and then we both held our breath because we were supposed to be being quiet-- it was kind the whole point of the thanksgiving And then the coast was clear And he tickled me again, bringing his hands up and down My sides And then he slid his arms through my arms and linked his hands together in front of me and rested them on my thighs And he rested his head on my shoulder Because he wasn't tickling me anymore, he was just holding me, like he knew that I needed it or something Borrows line from Maggie Stiefvater And just like that, my heart tethered itself I don't like thinking about that day, because It was there and then it was gone, and There wasn't really anything like it ever again This is why I don't like being hyperaware I've been fourteen for exactly a month now, and let me tell you there is nothing even remotely special about it. Well, nothing other than the fact that you get sent to the dollar store under strict instructions not to buy anything other than toilet paper every time the house runs out.
It also means that even though you basically make all the meals anyway, now it's your responsibility to do so, so now you have to, so basically what I'm trying to say is that not only nothing special about being fourteen, but it also suck just as much as being any other age. Well over age 4. Four was good. Fourteen is not. I mean, not saying that I'm suddenly depressed now that I'm officially a brooding, mooding teenager--hey, I'm as sunshiny as can fucking be! But being fourteen isn't some huge milestone that will set me on the path to achieving my dreams. Fourteen is just what I am. I'm gonna get older until I die, but the aging isn't the important part, the growing is. I mean, when I was little (littler, that is), I always had this idea that when I was ten or when I was eleven or when I was twelve or when I was thirteen or when I was fourteen I would suddenly have cool clothes and cool friends and a cool personality that would make all the boys I looked at fall deeply in love with me, and i would become a famous musician or writer or something and my dad wouldn't make me mad and that was just what I'd always thought. And so every year when I blew out candles or stayed up 'til the exact time I was born, I would think, this is where it starts. This is where it starts, so from here on out I'm gonna get cooler and better and life's going to just twist itself along to my daydream path. But that's not really how it works, I found out. Okay, so maybe everyone knows this, but it's actually more important to live in the now than it is to always be daydreaming the future. And that's not to say that you shouldn't care about how your actions may affect you in the future, but it does mean that you should really pay attention to this particular instant and the next and the next because it's gone and it doesn't come back. Grown-ups always say, enjoy being a kid, but that's not what I'm saying either. Being a kid isn't so great, it isn't so special. But you have to really really really experience it. Because it's gone and it doesn't come back. And I think that is you save all your feelings for when you're older, if you're like, oh, I'll do this when I'm older and, when I'm older I bet this will be like this; if you do that then when you're older you'll realize that you're actually not prepared for this to be like this because you spent all your time waiting to be older and you weren't getting ready. Ugh. UGH. I feel like I'm not making any sense. I feel like I'm not getting this right and I feel like I'm starting to sound like a motivational spokesmodel for a pimple cream ad. "Enjoy your youth because with this new acne-away, your acne is gone and it doesn't come back!" And again I say, ugh. Just forget I even said anything. The point is that fourteen is not all it cracked up to be and that is all I want to say at this time. So there. Happy babbling, Khori So yesterday I was just fartin' around on the internet
And I decided to google myself just to see what would come up. Okay, well, I didn't really google myself, I googled 'Kori'. Not really my real name and if you didn't know, well now you know. Anyway I googled 'Kori' and I googled 'Kori's World' cuz Kori's World is kinda like one of my things and THERE WAS SOMETHING FOR BOTH OF THEM AND I WAS SO DONE. When I was a little kid, this annoying and nosy lady at my church was like, "ooh you have such a pretty name I will take it and name it to my niece honhonhon" which, that last part is the sound of her laughing in an evil and snooty way. And the thing is, my favorite and only older brother named me. When he was six. And he gave me a pretty good name, let me tell you, even though I'm not really telling you the name it's pretty good just take my word for it. But the point is, my name is special, and this lady just swooped in like some decrepit old bat in a cardigan and took it. I bet she didn't even spell it right. And now, here I am, looking up my nickname on google, and it's just like I'm a little kid again. And it's not even that there was a Kori and there was a Kori's World. Oh no. There was also a 'Kory' and a 'Korie' and even a fucking 'Koree' for crying out loud. SO. I'm changing it. To Khori. I mean it makes sense. There's an 'h' after the K in my real name, after all. So anyway, that's all I wanted to say. Happy babbling. Khori So today I was farting around on the internet. And...wow okay this is a hard story to tell. Not hard because it's, like, too emotional or something, but hard because there's a secret here that I'm trying to skirt around for the sake of the story. Okay, ah, so I went on the twitter account of a celebrity that I like, and...
Okay, basically, I ended up watching the judge cuts of America's Got Talent (Season 11) and at one point, this one girl who really really and I mean really deserved to go through sang, and so the guest judge, who may or may not be the anonymous celebrity I mentioned before, he hit the golden buzzer for her that sends people straight through to the finals, you know? But it was just, like, the way the whole scene happened, and I, like, freaked out and teared up and then I fell over and died, so there's that. But the thing is that Monster was sitting right across from me the whole time and she just looked up from her phone at me and And she just Just Looked back down at her phone. See this is the problem with Monster. She is not... como se dice... compassionate. I would have put this on the page that is exclusively about her, but, this wasn't exactly a conversation, now was it? It was, in fact, lack of a conversation. I feel like I should have a point here. Okay here's the point. All of my older sisters out there--all my older siblings in general--listen up (all of you excluding my older siblings): I want you to find your little monster, go on, I'll wait. Waiting. Okay, now I want you to take your little monster, and I want you to stick your little monster in the freezer for forty days and forty nights, and when your little monster is thoroughly frozen, I want you to... ...Leave them there for more years until they've reached an age where you feel that they won't be as horrible as they are now. Thought they may resent you a little for sticking them the freezer for all that time. Okay, you know, actually disregard this whole post I think I might be drunk. Happy babbling Kori So recently I've had the epiphany that having a blog is a much easier thing to do when your life is really, really, reeelly boring. Like, just. I can't. Even. I'll pop in next time I have an interesting story to tell.
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AuthorWell my life could be perceived as interesting. You know, in a cruel and unusual way. Archives
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