*Watches This Is Us cuz she's pissed*
*nears a tap at the door* *Frantically smashes at the pause button but the dang remote stalls* *Boy Wonder pops his head in* Boy Wonder: What're you watching? Me: Uh. Uh. *PAUSE BUTTON GODDAMN YOU* stuff. uh. Nothing. Uh. *Enlightening dawns on Boy Wonder's face* Boy Wonder(half-gasping): Is this... the ONE DIRECTION MOVIE? Me: NO Monster: Yes it is Me: MONSTER! Boy Wonder(incredulous): Ohh...never try to tell me anything--ANYTHING--ever again. *Khori groans in despair* Boy Wonder(as he leaves): I'm telling Tweety! Me: NO Me: NO, please, wait Me: Godfuckit
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So I just got in trouble for telling Monster I'd see her in hell and I probably shouldn't be laughing this hard at my mother
Okay so now she's trying to stealthily steal my popcorn with the same fork...
Me: So, Monster. Guess whose birthday it is today"
Monster: Monster: Monster: *mumbles some name that is totally made up because she doesn't know* Me: So you don't know Monster: I know, I just don't want to say it Me: So... you know whose birthday it is Monster: Yes I do Me: It's ahhh... Me: *Thinks of a different name to call him for security purposes* Me: *Has a brief conversation with Monster about what other name to call him for security purposes* Monster: Call him whatever the hell you want. Dogshit and Asscrack are some good options. (Monster doesn't like this guy very much) Me: Okay, let's just say it's That Bell's birthday. 'Cause I can't think of anything better right now. Monster: Okay whatever. Me: Now, I understand that you don't actually like That Bell very much. Monster: *chuckles* No I don't. Me: And, uh, why exactly don't you like this guy? Monster: He's too uptight and annoying and his face looks smelly Me: And... you're not too fond of his...relationship with your big sister, right? Monster: Monster: Monster: *Suddenly and violently chucks pillow to the floor* Monster: Monster: No I am not fond of that. Me: Right. Got it. But despite all that, you would still like to wish him a happy birthday, wouldn't you? Monster: No. Monster: He's cute, so maybe I'd say hi Monster: Hi loser, that is. Monster: But i wouldn't say happy birthday. Me: I guess that's fair. Do you have any additional comments you would like to make at this time. About the subject or not about the subject. Monster: *says something that I can't type on the site* Me: Try again Monster: I like his brother better. Monster: His brother is better Monster: His brother is approved for you Me: Oh. Me: Okay. Me: Um. Monster: Now I believe we're done with this subject. Monster: Good day. Monster: *Unceremoniously turns on Netflix and proceeds to ignore me* Monster: *is playing a video game*
Me: So when was the last time I talked to you? Monster: Just now. Monster: *violently sneezes all over my life* Me: Aaagh! Monster: *goes back to her video game* Me: So can I interview you about something for my blog? Monster: Go away. Monster: Bitch Me: Me: Me: Okay then, well I guess we'll try this again some other time. Monster: So what happens if you rip your new contact lenses while they're in your eye?
Me: They'll get stuck in there and I'll have to have a surgery Monster: Oh, a cautionary tale. Me: Yehp. Monster: Why can't you sleep with them in? Me: Well, because they'll get stuck in there and I'll have to have a surgery Monster: Oh. Me: And the saga continues. Monster: What the heck is a saga Earlier I decided to ask Monster about her views on Donald Trump and politics in general. Sorry if this is boring or offensive to anyone.
Me: So, Monster Monster: What Me: What do you think of this Donald Trump guy anyway? Monster: He's stupid Me: Why is he stupid Monster: Uh, I don't know how to explain, but it's like *makes up a confusing metaphor about making your friend Jorge build a wall and then kicking him out or something* Monster: It's just so stupid. He's going to start World War III Me: So, you don't think he'll be a good president? Monster: No. Me: Neither do I. What are your views about politics in general? Monster: Uh... bunch of talking... bunch of paper... Me: I see, I see. Me: And do you have anything else you would like to share with our readers today? Monster: *Burps* Me: Alrighty then, thank you for your time. Monster: *Unceremoniously leaves the room* |
AuthorMy Little Sister--well, one of them--is quite mean. But she's also quite funny. And she's also quite my favorite. Enjoy. ArchivesCategories
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